Some months ago I responded to forum post about waiting for marriage. The woman I responded to emailed me back thanking me for being so upfront with her and for reaffirming her commitment to wait which she had been questioning, but I didn’t think much of it beyond that. Then today I got an email from a random person who just recently came across my entry and emailed to ask if she could send it to her friend. Now, I would have had no problem with her sending it to her friend without my permission. Its a public forum. But, as I’ve been short of time for writing the listener blog, I thought if I got two emails from people it really helped than perhaps reposting it on the blog may help benefit even more. So here’s my response to "Sex now or later?"
Original poster: I found that there isnt anywhere in the bible that explicitly
says not to have sex before marriage. Unfortunately, the Bible does not
come out and directly say, "Premarital sex is wrong,"
Yes it does. Its called fornication.
"Do you not know that
the unjust will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived;
neither fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers nor boy prostitutes
nor practicing homosexuals nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor
slanderers nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God." 1 Cor 6:9-10
to the unmarried and to widows, I say: it is a good thing for them to
remain as they are, as I do, but if they cannot exercise self-control
they should marry, for it is better to marry than to be on fire." 1 Cor
Original poster: However, there are many instances in the Old Testament where God
not only allows the act but also encourages it. King David, who is
praised countless times in the Bible by God, is said to have had
countless wives. Abraham had sex with at least four concubines and
married his sister, something strictly prohibited in Ezekiel and
Leviticus. Jacob had sex on his wedding night with a different woman,
yet still remained in good standing with God. Solomon would have been
divorced over 700 times, while Boaz had sexual relations with Ruth, and
then he decided to wed her.
Encourages it? Nope. King David is never praised by God for having
many wives. He’s definitely not told by God to take more than one wife.
Abraham was not under the Levetical law as that was before his
lifetime. You need to look at the pattern of these stories to get the
fact that while these people are called righteous, God is not
considering them holy or living perfect lives. Moreover, as evidenced
by the new testement, God often gave consentury laws to help prepare
the people for the ultimate truth.
Christ is asked about his
teaching on divorce and is it is argued against him that under the law
of Mosses, a man could divorce his wife. Christ takes us back to the
beginning of genesis and tells us "In the beginning, it was not so."
and that only because of the hardness of their hearts was divorced
What does this mean? That at the time period, it is
likely that the people were so corrupt in heart that had he said "you
shall not divorce your wives and be free to marry another." they would
have resorted to murdering their spouses in order to get out of
marriages they were unhappy with.
Remember we are in a new
covenant. Everything that came before was to prepare a people and even
though they are called righteous, the gates of Heaven were closed to
them and only opened to them because of Christ’s sacrifice on the
Original Poster: Nowhere does it call men and women to "wait until marriage," a secular ceremony in the Bible.
Marriage isn’t a ceremony. A wedding is a ceremony. Moreover the
bible does not present it as a secular event, but as a God ordained
event, but it is easy to miss the fact that when the woman in genesis
is presented to the man and he says "bone of my bone and flesh of my
flesh" that God the Father is acting as the Father of the bride,
presenting Adam with his bride and Adam is giving his consent to the
marriage and thus validating the marriage. It is God ordained. That is
where the institution of marriage is first referenced to in the bible,
as why else would she then keep being referred to as the man’s wife?
Again, when Jesus is asked about divorce, he references that passage. See Mt 19:4
Original Poster: So basically, you cant have sex until you get married, and when you get married you have sex to have babies.
Word clarification: Open to having children. Not necessarily
actively seeking to have children, not coveting children, not saying "I
better get pregnant this time."
But this is the entire
Christian attitude with all things in life. It is about dying to self.
"Not my will, but [God's] be done." It is to place our entire lives
into God’s hands and submit to the things he places in our lives.
don’t earn Heaven by not sinning. God’s not placing a rule book on life
as "here’s all the things you can’t do and if you don’t do them, than
I’ll let you in." No, rather He’s saying "Give me all of yourself. Give
up everything you want in this life and seek after just me, for I am
love. I love you more than you are even capable of loving, but if you
give yourself to me, I will teach you and give you the ability to love
as I love. Then you will be like me and be able to particpate in the
Divine Life. You shall inherit eternal life and shall be with me
eternally in Heaven."
When we sin, we fail to love as He loves.
Original Poster: Well I dont want to have kids so my marriage technically wouldnt be fully accepted by the church.
If you married with a completely closed heart to children, you may not
be entering into a valid marriage because essentially you are not
giving your consent to enter into a marriage.
By the way, please don’t take what I said as criticism. I just
always got frustrated when people would tell me "Just accept it"
without explaining it. I think its absolutely wonderful that God is
calling us to such greatness, to such a deep love.
So much we
get caught up in the idea that our value is determined by the sum of
our accomplishments and failures. I’m still a good person, right? I’m
must be and then I’m ok. You are a good person. We all are. That’s not
the point. The point is that we’re all blind to seeing our own innate
values and the innate values of others. We end up going after lesser
goods, rather than the greatest goods of all and we fear self sacrifice
and fear God abandoning us.
God knows what you need. He knows what’s good for you and He longs to give you the best He has for you.
"Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides." mt 6:33